Was suppose to go overseas during Chinese new year with Papo and Mamo, yet I think we were booking it slight too near the deadline already. Thus, the price per pax was too steep that I felt a stab at the heart on how their money (because I don't have the money) was flowing out. In the end, I suggested that both of them leave the country together instead of 5 person. Money saved, and can get more souvenirs for us :)
Plus, I could stay with mummy longer for chinese New Year as well. So I think both side would do well too
I tried to ignore you, I tried to act like we don't know each other anymore. Yet why is it that each time u show signs of caring, I just couldn't help myself but fall for you again and again. Have u put a spell on me? or am I really that loyal towards my first love.
I was afraid that you would talk to me, because I know you would question me about my future. I know you're caring but I'm just too tired to explain to you why did I choose to search for work next year. I know you care for me. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Even though I always hinted to you that I'm an mature teenager, fit for myself to do any decision which including letting you back into my life. I still ponder. I don't know how much is your love for me. After we separated, you were quick enough to get another one. I thought that maybe I just wasn't that important to you. You have your friends. and I was just a nobody that you classified as neither a sister yet not yet a close friend. I guess I'm just merely an acquaintance, a person not even fit for your circle.
I thought that if I ignore you, you would slowly hardly remember me. Like how I did previously. The message you sent to me when u mention you were sad that I didn't reply you message. I was really hopping you are really sad and not just another word which was easily type out on a keyboard but didn't really occur in your heart. I wanted to be that special one, but I know I'm not fit for you. Guess I'll always just be that little gal that forever awaits at your doorstep waiting for you to tell me who your next girlfriend is and I shall act all happy dovey about ur new relationship and ask all sorts of curiosity about how you met the new her when in fact I was bleeding when i was saying all those word. Sometimes I felt as if, our relationship just happen to be an unfinished script of love story, both of us wouldn't know the ending because we abruptly ended it when it has yet to bloom.
I remember when we broke up, you sent me a song from MLTR called 'You took my Heart Away' . You were the one who sent me that song saying I've took a part of you away, but actually you were the one that took my heart away. You were the one that care for me when I really needed someone, when I thought I was violated, when I was the lost deer at the cage, when I don't have a single friend, when I just needed unconditional love from another person not stating any gender. The way you care for me was not done to me by anyone before. I lied to you about being in a relationship, because I wanted to feel not left out as well, I wanted to be on the same par with you, but I will always be behind you. That was because you have long leave me behind, and walk ahead of me. I was the fool who still stays in the bowl of water having no idea how to jump out of it or end my misery life in it.
Even though you always say I could find you whenever I wanted to, but do I really still have the privilege? I know if I were to call, you would be there. But I just didn't wanted to be so vulnerable, like I couldn't even handle my life myself. Like I'm a ready made toufu easily squash.
If you were to ask me do I still love you? I don't know but I know I still care about you I still like you. I still want those phone calls that I've missed alot for the past 8 years almost till 9 years already. I haven't met you before, yet you have a huge impact on me. I just don't know why. Maybe I just the dumb one. I just couldn't let go.
I have friends asking me, so what gender is ur likability now? I don't have a confident answer to it. I just don't have.. I shall just follow my heart who is the person coming next.
My family has this so-called routine or must-do dinner thing which is if the siblings and parent are around. It is a must to have dinner together even if you are on diet. Yup, I totally flunked my diet thing. I've gain like additional 2kg worth of fat. Not really complaining, it's all my craving to blame on. Got to try real hard to control my cravings if not my 3 month long hell intensive diet would be worth penniless. Going to get my lazy worm to start on the exercises because if i were to have craving but still doing my exercise that way I think my fats wouldn't come to me. Shorts getting tighter, it's a sign baby!
Hahaha. I think I totally went off topic. I think it's a Papo's thing. He loves it when we could get together for dinner which I'm not complaining because I love it too. How many more years you think you could have dinner together? it's something that people who have it doesn't cherish it, but people that don't have it wanted it so badly. Very obviously refering to the Jefo. He hardly have dinner with us, always tied up with his so-called very happening circle.
Not saying much because every person has their different type of aspects on life and family. Guess I'm just those that are really tied up towards family. I cherish them so much more than I do towards my boyfriend. I dump my ex-girlfriend because of my mother.
Conclusion of post today, is to get lazy bone to workout and get a job asap! :)
What should I talk about? Since it's the first post here at orange rendezvous
What about tell why I choose this name for the website.
I'm like this major fan of orange to be exact, happy orange. You know, those neon colour orange that make you smile from ear to ear when you see it. Even when I'm a far seeing a car in orange shades, or baby wearing orange clothes. I just smile naturally, it was as if there was a button deep inside of me that would auto click to make me smile each time I see orange colour.
Somehow I don't even know when it started, maybe it's during secondary school when me and my friends decided to buy a same school bag but just in different shades. There was black, red and orange. Orange just click right there and then. I had to beg in order to get that colour. That colour just makes this follow along. Now if one goes into my room the main colour contrast in my room would have been orange, it was as if you could see a little bit of orange here and there. Something I'm proud of. I think one day if I manage to get myself a house. Without a doubt, I'll get a room fully painted in happy orange colour, just one room too much would be insanity overload with cupboard in orange shades to be put my orange buys that I've gotten off and on now. Maybe I'll make that room my office, who knows. Yet, my friends would deceive me. I bet RM10 on that!!!
Even when I got my first car, I requested it to be in orange colour. Yes, it was that good! My brothers nearly deceive me as the ol' loving sister. I just had to get it even if it meant waiting another 2 more weeks to get the colour I wanted. Yeah, my good trusty Viva Orange which I name her - Vivo! (it's a her okay, who says car are for him only) Lately, I saw Ford Fiesta in orange as well, slight shades of orange la...
Basically in the hole here, Orange stands for Ivy and Memories obviously meant what I've been through, past, present and maybe future! Just a re-cap of my life. I've gotten quite a few blogs previously but I just kept changing non-stop. Don't know maybe it's a Gemini-an thing.
For temporary wise, this is brand new without anyone knowing about it. It's just that I wanted to rant, I'm at an age old enough to stop whining about life to almost anyone yet keeping it to myself was hard. I just don't want to explode.
I'll be calling myself theprovence, because this is my pseudonym :)
